Reflexology. As explained on the school playground.
I admit, that back at the turn of the decade, I envisaged banging my head repeatedly against the chalk face of education for the rest of my career. So if the ghost of Reflexology Future had visited me one evening whilst I frantically planned Spanish lessons about the intricacies of the Pluperfect Subjunctive in the subordinate clause, and told me that my job would change quite as dramatically as it has, I suspect the words I would have uttered would have been a bit more colourful than “Bah, humbug!” (Although they would have been in several languages, obvs!)
And yet, here I am, nine years later, doing Reflexology, still being utterly flabbergasted, nay amazed, on a fairly regular basis (you would think I would have got over it by now!) by what the feet can tell us. I’ve found lost tonsils, no appendix, old clavicle breaks, twists in spines, a broken spine and even brain damage following a stroke on clients’ feet. Talkative things you see, feet.
So obviously it always comes as a shock if, when asked what I do, I see people immediately step back a little, with a look of horror on their face as if I just told them I had a flesh-eating disease. “Eww – you touch feet!! I don’t know how you can do that!” said Michaela on the school playground. “Well Michaela” I answered, “it’s funny you should say that, because even a cursory glance at my rather stylish website* will tell you that in fact I am a qualified practitioner in facial reflexology too, so it’s not all feet you know love! What’s more, I can potentially help clients deal with pain, insomnia, migraines, fertility problems and stress, amongst other things. My clients always leave me calmer and more relaxed than when they arrived, and it has even been said that my magic healing fingers** have changed lives!”
“Well I wouldn’t want anyone touching my feet”, she says disdainfully “and I prefer doing a job that’s useful to the community.”
“Fair enough” say I. “What do you do, Michaela?”
“I’m a traffic warden.”
Think I’ll stick to feet. Although at a push, and for a slightly higher fee, I’ll teach you about the Spanish Pluperfect Subjunctive if you really fancy.
*Well I think it’s stylish anyway. I did it all by myself, so I have to like it!
** No actual magic is used in the course of my treatments. I’m just very good.
Specific details may have been made up to protect the innocent, and to lighten your day with a little humour. Not the bit about me being a very good reflexologist.
Or that I can do spanish pluperfect subjunctives.